i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
