ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
