Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
