I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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