I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
