at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
