you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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