he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
