Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
