Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
