Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
