Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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