I can't breathe out the right side of my face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
