Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
