I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
