hotel room ftw
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
