I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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