I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
