He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
