First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
