the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize