Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
