I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
