somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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