She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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