8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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