omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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