i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
