Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
