Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
sex in a hospital.. check
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
