Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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