Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
