this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
