Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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