I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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