who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
