when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
