And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
