First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
