so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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