i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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