It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize