and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
