I didn't shave. On purpose
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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