Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
