Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
