I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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