So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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