I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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