I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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