My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
