I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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