do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
