i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
