somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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