I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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