I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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