We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
