I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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