she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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