He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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