At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
