Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just invented taco cereal.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
