My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's the barista slut.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
