why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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