I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
