Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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