i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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