Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize